By Dr. Missy Henke
The following statement is going to make me sound old, but I’m going to say it anyway: I miss the days when we could respectfully agree to disagree with one another and still find a way to work together toward a common goal.
Given that we are in the midst of an election year, I find myself missing those days more and more all the time. It seems that any time we don’t see eye to eye with someone, it has become acceptable to resort to name calling and belittling that individual. It seems fairly obvious, but this doesn’t motivate people to want to continue working together, and instead, it creates division and hard feelings. Working in the field of substance use and mental health, I have learned that I need to work beside and with a very diverse population and oftentimes, we don’t see the world through the same lenses.
It is during these moments of discussion and conflict that I am reminded to have empathy for my colleagues and partners. The American Psychological Association defines empathy as “understanding a person from their frame of reference rather than one’s own”. This doesn’t mean I have to agree with the ideas and thoughts of those around me but that I need to realize everyone has a different experience and a different story. Our thoughts, ideas, and opinions stem from those experiences. That doesn’t make others wrong or imply that they are worthy of my dismissal, but rather that we can provide each other with mutually beneficial information and perspectives. By changing my frame of reference, I can have a better understanding of complex situations and be willing to consider different solutions. Many times, during this exchange of ideas, I find myself feeling compassion and understanding toward others, when previously I was feeling only frustration and resentment.
Since the COVID-19 pandemic there has been a lot of research regarding the benefits on mental health when we show compassion toward ourselves and others. We tolerate stress better, moods are improved, anxiety is lessened, and we have less suicidal thinking.
Compassion is simply understanding that you or someone else may be struggling and then taking action to help. That action might be as simple as listening or giving words of encouragement. It might involve giving your time or energy. Not only will the person you are helping benefit from your kindness, but you will also reap the benefits. It is a mutually beneficial act.
On days when you are feeling lost or down and you don’t know how to get out of your funk, maybe the first step should be evaluating your surroundings and looking for a way in which you could help someone else. Imagine how our communities and neighborhoods would benefit if we all gave a little of our kindness, time, and energy to help those around us. Maybe it would be easier for us to understand our differences and maybe we could get back to being able to respectfully agree to disagree.
About the Author
Dr. Missy Henke is the medical director of the Heartview Foundation. She has a passion for helping people to find recovery from substance use disorders and also for creating communities where people feel supported in their pursuit of that recovery.
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